Ride Of Life
If I were a LASTMA official, I’m sure I’ll have been assassinated or executed by now. What I would do Lagos drivers eh? You have no idea how livid drivers in Lagos make me.
There was a particular week I had series of unfortunate episodes with crazy danfo drivers. I got home every day looking like a train ran me over.
On one of those days when transport system was scarce, I was left with no choice but to enter what my uncle calls “an assembled car parts, stapled together vehicle”. Infact, I’m calling it a necessary mistake. This ride turned out to be my worst nightmare; I might have well been on a scary roller costa ride.
As most danfo buses this one was quite advanced; probably have been driven every day for at least 15 years, it was really like assembled car parts. Just before I got into the bus I had a brief epiphany but I chose to ignore it.
Throughout the journey, the driver and his conductor were just sharing their madness. The first hint of danger was the wild goose chase the driver took us on all in the name of evading traffic, taking us round Lagos like a headless chicken.
We eventually entered “traffic of life”. As if that wasn’t enough, the conductor continued from where his “pilot” left off. He decided to chill with his passengers. His idea of hanging out with us was to share his “anointing” (body odour) in an already heat stifled vehicle. Unfortunately for me I was two seats away; I almost passed out from the stench.
Eventually traffic cleared out and once again Michael Schumacher (driver) continued where his conductor left off as he unsuccessfully skid through all the pot holes he could find making all the passengers ( coco Chanel plus hausa perfume) bump into each other. Soon the bus started bouncing like one of the cars in Snoop Lion’s videos from way back.
At this point my frustration level was 70%. I was tired from work, hot, irritated, and angry; no scratch that, I was livid. As
I sat there seething with anger, the driver did the unimaginable. Apparently he thought we were on set for “fast and furious” and started racing like he’ll receive a formula one race award for his driving.
Suddenly two of the bus tires went on vacation and the bus carried on with speed on the remaining two tyres and two tyre rims; my life flashed before my eyes as my heart threatened to pop out of my chest. How we survived that day is still a question mark I’ve refused to examine.
I swore never to enter public transport after that ordeal, however two weeks of taking taxi has taken a toll on my ‘Swiss account’ and made me eat my words so until my continuous collection of widows mite is worthy of a ‘Coscharis’ vehicle I’ll just have to make do with the Michael Schumachers in Lagos.
No comments:
Post a Comment